For vagablonde, who shares my love of this awful, demented, cracktastic '70s tv show, my first ever 5 things:

Five things Alan Carter never told his best friend Tony.

- That Tony's beer isn't really that bad. Oh, sure, the early attempts were nothing short of nasty, but it's been getting a lot better. It may not be Victoria Bitter, but it actually is drinkable. But he's always picking on Tony about the beer and he can't stop, 'cause it makes him giggle inside.

- That's he's a far better pilot than he thinks. He's not sure if Tony's noticed how he'll trust Tony with his birds any day, but he does.

- That as much as he misses Paul, Tony is a great best friend. He misses Paul everyday, but Paul could have a stick up his arse a mile wide. Not that Tony doesn't also get sticks up his behind, but it's never quite as bad.

- Speaking of which: That he thinks Tony has a nice behind. He thinks if he tells Tony this Tony would probably laugh and punch his arm. He hopes. And that's based on the way he sometimes catches Tony looking at him. That hope is far better than what would have happened if he'd said something similar to Paul, who would have punched him in the face and never spoken to him again.

- That Tony can do better than Maya. He knows Tony is smitten with her. She's an alien ("Token Alien" jokes come from the Star Trek fans), and she's... well, she is kinda pretty (but not his type of girl). But, for crying out loud, one of these days she's gonna shape-shift while they're having sex and Tony won't be able to get it up for the next couple hundred years.