OK ok. This is the (first) post I made to the Porn Battle. I thought it was weird crack, but people liked it. So, wtf, I'm gonna post it here. And then I will curl up and die of shame, because I have so *hideously* abused an iconic, historic folk song from the USA, as well as written song-fic (which, to me, is just one shy step above writing a mary-sue).

( 250ish words of Captain Hammer solo porn within )

With huge apologies to Pete Seeger and Lee Hays, who are probably spinning in their graves at 3200 RPM. Oh my god, I'm going to HELL.



Horrifically: for the Fluff/Comedy, Short, and PWP categories.

i missed the prompts giving (man, life is so stressful right now)

but... but...

yeah, i'm not even going to link to where my mind went tonight. Suffice to say: Crack. I posted it. I'm so ashamed. And I can't stop laughing. And I'm ashamed I can't stop laughing.

on the more serious side, I do want to come up with a 3rd "ocean's 11" fic to go with the other 2 I did for the last two porn battles.

anyway. you probably all know, but on the odd chance you don't here's a link: go read and/or write some pornlettes.

When oxoniensis started gathering prompts for Porn Battle V I somehow got the impression that she was getting more than swamped, so I offered to help her out. After all, I'm unemployed with free time, insane, used to sorting prompts thanks to brain_asplode and, oh yes, insane.

I sorted all the crossovers, the RPF and the "Bandom" stuff. (And, yes, there are still mistakes in those areas, and I feel stupid everytime I see them. Bah.)

Now I must rant about "Bandom" -- my apologies if you are part of this, but for the most part, I would like these people to go out and chew ground glass. About halfway through, oxoniensis added to the prompts post reminding people that if their prompts weren't properly formatted they'd be tossed, and the Bandom people *still* put up stuff that was sometimes so malformed there was NO WAY of guessing what they were asking for. I must have thrown out at least a dozen prompts (mostly, but not all, from one person who Just Couldn't Get It), and it made me sad.


Outside of the stuff that was just unintelligble, there was the fun of trying to sort and remove and/or gather duplicates. I spent a good 2-3 hours with Wikipedia trying to figure things out, because often giving last names helped to sort out duplicates, especially in the Bandom Crossovers (insert major groan here). But when you see
Bandom, Band-name, Joe/Bob, whatever
and Wikipedia says there is NOBODY NAMED BOB in that band...
or even more fun
Bandom, Band-name, Joe/Joseph, whatever
and Wikipedia helpfully points out that there used to be a Joe in the band, who left a year ago, but that there are currently now *two* Josephs in the band...

Yes, you write Bandom? Here's your ground glass.



Anyway, as a thank you, oxoniensis sent me a gold star, which is in my profile, for the next 2 weeks the mail said :). Whee! I am so amused. Nobody's given me a gold star since I was in 5th grade, and that was... 35 years ago? Something like that ;).

And I actually wrote, too! I wrote
Pineapple (Ocean's 11, Danny/Rusty, oral fixation, pineapple), which is the second time I've written a prompt for Rusty from Ocean's 11 and oral fixation.

And then I wrote Just Desserts (Crossover: Stargate Atlantis/Stargate SG-1, Rodney McKay/Cameron Mitchell, "revenge/dessert"), which is kind of a tag to the SG-1 S10 episode "The Pegasus Project", and which is still making me giggle. I make myself laugh too much.

I might write more. But for now - speaking of brain_asplode time to put the new pairings list up there! Laterz!

p.s. Go read the porn battle stories if you haven't. If you want to add a story, she's had to start a 2nd page 'cause everyone's writing! Be a joiner! And write something for brain_asplode too :-P.

update: and I also wrote Little Surprise (Crossover, Babylon 5/Stargate SG-1, Susan Ivanova/Ba'al, BOOM). Hee.

As you might guess from the title, this was the last one I did for the Porn Battle.

This time some SGA/SG1 slasy porn with a little kinkiness.

(I think I really like writing these two, they amuse the crap outta me.)

( Last Licks )

More porn battle. Simply SGA Slash Smut. It's fairly unoriginal but it amused me to do it anyway.

Again, slightly different from the original.

( Unoriginal Plot Points )

Another fic from the Porn Battle. Again, slightly different from the original post.

( Celebration )

Added to and improved over the first thing I posted to the Porn Battle.

( SG1/SGA Cam Mitchell / John Sheppard (prompt: fistfight) )

This is actually one of the prompts I offered up to the Porn Battle. It bit me somewhere and I had to make sure it sees the light of day.

Of course my babblings are too long for the limit of the Porn Battle, so just the porny stuff will be posted there.

( Rain )

his is the longer (original) version of a fic written for the Porn Battle.

hegemony has offered marriage if I write the other pairing mentioned within the fic. I hadn't thought of doing it before, but, hey. It's my first ficly marriage proposal. I'll have to see if I can get them to talk to me.

Title: Shots Out In The Black
Fandoms: Firefly / Torchwood
Pairing: Malcolm Reynolds / Jack Harkness
Prompt: Competition
I shouldn't have to mention it's X-rated, right? :)

( Shots Out In The Black )

OK, this may be worse than writing ass-labor.

Slice from X-Files/Stargate-Atlantis Crossover Crack!Fic from Hell.

I blame two people, pentapus, who had a "Write a drabble and I'll draw a doodle" fest. I wrote this little bit (briefly: Scully & Mulder go to Atlantis to talk to them about Space Vampires). pentapus drew this beautiful but cracky picture.

Then for the Porn Battle someone (*cough* havocthecat *cough*) requested "Mulder/Hermiod." She said she's going to hell for wanting it.

I'm IN hell for WRITING it!

Anyway. The beginning got cut off for the Porn Battle (4300 character limit), so here's the whole thing.

One day I'll fit it all together.

( Click Here - Cost: One Mind )